Saturday, August 25, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Recovery 365 – August 23 – Hand Reaching Out..
Recovery 365 – August 23 – Hand Reaching Out..
“The hand is always reaching out. The newcomer is always arriving. I want to always be here. Nothing ensures my sobriety more than intense work with another alcoholic/addict. So my frequent contact continues to be the bright spot of my life. With 19 years and 8 months, I still feel like a newcomer. The promises say we will be amazed before we are half way through. What is half way through? Its daily F2F meetings for me. I’ve seen many who stayed away and then returned with a worse story. And many of them reported they were ok-sometimes for several years before they picked up and used. In fact they never thought they would drink or drug again. Their experience too, was and is there for me to take heed and learn from. I trust and pray that I have.”For me, lately I haven’t been to many f2f meetings as life got very busy for me in the last few weeks. Things are settling down now and I will return to my meetings as I need to personal contact with others like me. It’s amazing how I feel after just an hour with others in recovery. I always hear what I need to hear whether I know it or not. I do my best to share ESH to others so that they might hear something that they need to hear also. Even with life getting “busy”, I’ve managed to stay tuned into my recovery online and having the responsibilities that I have taken, it helps keep me clean and sober for another 24.
Milkman
Hand Reaching Out.. (From a member)
“The hand is always reaching out. The newcomer is always arriving. I want to always be here. Nothing ensures my sobriety more than intense work with another alcoholic/addict. So my frequent contact continues to be the bright spot of my life. With 19 years and 8 months, I still feel like a newcomer. The promises say we will be amazed before we are half way through. What is half way through? Its daily F2F meetings for me. I’ve seen many who stayed away and then returned with a worse story. And many of them reported they were ok-sometimes for several years before they picked up and used. In fact they never thought they would drink or drug again. Their experience too, was and is there for me to take heed and learn from. I trust and pray that I have.”Milkman
Monday, August 13, 2012
Recovery 365 - Love to Argue?
Love to Argue?
Do you ever find yourself enjoying a (good?) argument or debate with someone? Do you like matching "wits" with someone else? I was involved in a couple of posts on other boards lately, in regards to a couple of posts that I posted. I got, what I thought were negative responses to them, and found myself, Justifying? or trying to "come back" at them, with what amounted to nothing more, than justifying and debating with the individuals involved.
I found some satisfaction in going back and forth with them, and tried my best not to post anything that would really offend anyone. I know in the past, I would have "laid into them" with "witty words" that would have been meant to demean or ridicule. I know that I still get sarcastic (read the discussion on sarcasm) but I really believe that I participated in these threads, just to have some fun. (At others expense?) I'm not sure.
When I was in my active addiction, there was nothing I enjoyed more, that to argue. I could argue about something, even if I knew I was wrong. I think that I did this, just to show the other person they were wrong (even if they weren't, lol), or to find ways to justify my own opinions.
I know that I've changed positively in these old behaviors, but I realize that their still inside me to some extent, with my argumentive nature. What about you all? Do you enjoy a good argument or debate? Can it be fun, or does it end up hurting someone else, in some manner or way?
Milkman
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Recovery 365 – August 6 – Duck Quack.. Eagles Soar!
This was sent to me a few years back and I just love this and wanted to share it with everyone. Hope you all are safe, well, and enjoying your day. I know I am! .......... Milkman
Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.
He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .
He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'
Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment...
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem.. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice...' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.'
Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'
And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.
'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?'
Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.
He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'
'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'
'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said.
'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'
Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.
Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
How about us? Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!
A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people.
Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar.
Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.
SORROW looks back, WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP... BECAUSE OF FATHER'S LOVE, I AM CHANGED!!! "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
May you all choose to Soar! ;-) Ducks Quack - Eagles Soar
No one can make you serve customers well....that's because great service is a choice.Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.
He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'
Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment...
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem.. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice...' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.'
Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'
And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.
'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?'
Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.
He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'
'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'
'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said.
'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'
Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.
Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
How about us? Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!
A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people.
Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar.
Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.
SORROW looks back, WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP... BECAUSE OF FATHER'S LOVE, I AM CHANGED!!! "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Recovery 365 - August 4 - The Biggest Competition...
THE BIGGEST COMPETITION OF MY LIFE
How did I wind up here? How in the hell does an athletic woman who was brought up in a perfectly loving family of moderate to upper-income status and who has a very public, successful career end up an alcoholic?Hi. My name is Jill, and I’m an alcoholic. The first time I said those words 6 months ago, I was petrified. I was certain by speaking those words out loud, I would lose all my friends, all my family, my husband -- the whole shooting match. Alcoholism is for losers, right? Only low-lifes and scum “allow” themselves to become alcoholics.
My God, what I have learned in these 7 months to prove all of the above statements to be absolutely and utterly false.
How did this all start? I’m not quite sure. I did all the normal experimental drinking in high school on special occasions like the prom, graduation, etc. When I got out of high school, the drinking intensified as I turned legal drinking age. It’s what all my friends were doing, and I didn’t want to be left out of all the fun. Girl’s just want to have fun, right? I was all about having fun.
I guess nearly every sporting event I participated in after high school involved alcohol. Beer at the softball game, beer at the outdoor sand volleyball court, alcohol available at the baseball, football and basketball games I loved to attend. As I think about it, not many aspects of my life involved non-drinking activities. I love to camp, which also always involves sitting around the fire and – you guessed it – drinking. Let’s go skiing and then have a few drinks afterwards. Let’s go diving in some tropical climate and drink fruity rum drinks.
When I was 38, I got married and soon after moved west to California with my husband where we had no family or friends. But what the heck! We are adventurous and love skiing and the mountains and camping and hiking and the ocean. It was a perfect place for us – so we thought. Then I discovered wine country and grew a deep love and affection for wine.
About 18 months ago, I began to have the feeling something was wrong with me and my drinking. I wasn’t very much “fun” anymore, I was incredibly moody, and I was constantly walking around in a fog. I had helped myself become emotionally numb so that I wouldn’t miss the company of my family and my friends I had left behind.
My normal routine had become coming home, opening a bottle of wine, and pouring glass after glass until my husband got home. Well, he never gets home from work until about 7:30 or 8 p.m., so a lot of drinking can be accomplished in those 2 or 2.5 hours. He’d get home, I’d be moody or half in the bag, eat a little dinner and then pass out on the couch. That has been my life pretty much for the last year. What fun, huh?
My total wake-up call which happened two weeks ago was about as ugly as I can imagine. I don’t remember much, but I will share with you what I do remember. My husband was out of town for the week, and it was Memorial Day weekend. I took a nice long run that Saturday morning with the dog, and then came back and entertained the neighbor kids at the pool, where I decided to have a couple of beers. When I went back home a couple hours later, I decided to crack open a bottle of wine and watch a movie. I don’t remember the end of that movie. I also don’t remember anything else that happened until I “came to” about 2:30 a.m. on the couch with a bottle in my hand that had spilled all over me and the couch. Not only that, but the right side of my head was killing me. Not a hangover kind of pain, but physical pain. I went to the mirror to discover that I had a huge lump on my forehead and a black eye.
This is what I have pieced together of what happened that night. At some point in the evening, I went outside with the dog and started yelling at some woman who was mad at me for having the dog off-leash. During the fiasco, my little neighbor friend, Tina (who is 13 years old)heard me yelling and came out and saw all this and I guess had to help me back in the house. Not, however, before I fell flat on my face and nearly killed myself from the impact. At some point, I must have been in the hot tub, because I left the cover open. How I didn’t drown, I have no idea.
The next morning, I was horrified. I couldn’t piece anything together, and when Tina was talking to me about the previous nights events, I wanted to cry right there in front of her. I tried to take a nap, but the horror and fear of what had happened the night before gripped me so badly I could not rest. I had to stop drinking. I didn’t really care that I had nearly killed myself, I cared that I had made a total ass of myself in front of a young girl who idolizes me. My heart was broken and I had to admit my problem. Without my husband there, I promptly walked over to Tina’s Mom, Robin, who is a dear friend of mine, and admitted through my tears that I was an alcoholic.
To my shock, she hugged and told me she loved me and would help me in any way she could to help me get better.
The next hurdle was telling my husband. I picked him up at midnight at the airport that same Monday night, and though it was late and the timing less than perfect, I had to get it off my chest then and there, and I did. I told the one person I love most that I was an alcoholic. He held my hand, and told me he loved me and that he was proud of me for coming to this realization. He would be by my side every step of the way.
The next major hurdle was going to my first AA meeting. Oh my God, I had to sit in a room full of drunks and losers and admit I was just like them. I think that day I had talked myself in and out of going to that first meeting 50 or more times. Even 15 minutes before the meeting was to begin, I was calling one of my friends so that she would talk me into going. I finally just jumped in the car and plowed ahead. When I arrived, there were several questionable looking men standing outside of the door. One guy said to me, “Are you looking for a bunch of drunks?” I smiled and said yes. From that moment on, I was o.k. The group setting was a bit scary and there were a lot of AA rituals I was unfamiliar with, but the speaker that night was awesome. The speaker, Ron, talked about his long battle with alcoholism, and how he struggled and struggled for his sobriety. Today, he has been sober 28 years! He talked about his drinking, and how it totally ruined his career, but that he drank so that he would “feel comfortable in his own skin.” Oh, how I could totally relate to that statement.
While I didn’t lose my job, I didn’t lose my husband, I didn’t kill someone in a car accident, I didn’t have to take a drink in every morning to get through the day, I still truly believe all of that would have happened if I continued to drink. Blackouts had become all too common of an occurrence when I drank, and the thought that I could have gotten in my car and killed someone frightens the hell out of me. I could never live with myself if I harmed another person.
I have just begun my road to sobriety, but I am happy. I’m not saying it is easy, but I love what I am learning to become – a person who can look in the mirror and love myself for having the guts to face my problem head on.
I would be remiss to say I will be able to do this on my own. It is the love of God, the AA program, and my family and friends that have guided me and supported me thus far, and will guide me until the day I die. Today it is my greatest hope that one day I will be able to help someone else fight their way back to a sober life full of love, laughter and happiness.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Recovery 365 - August 1 - Another Meth Story
Below is a story from one of my past members about Meth. I am familiar with Meth and Speed and know the downfalls in life that it causes. Speed comes in many forms and there's isn't any form that I can think of that causes good things. My own brother died from repercussions of the drug.... 30 years after he got clean and sober. The Hep C that he contracted in 1966 came back to haunt him in 2004 and took his life. We all miss him dearly.
Milkman
Sxxxxxx's Personal Story
I am a 23 year old male. I live in Australia...I started using typical white powder cut speed when I was 15. That soon turned to what was to become my drug of choice "ecstasy"...I ate "X" every single weekend and a lot through the week for 7 and a half years.
When I turned 18 I received a compensation payout of $130 000, i can only account for $20 000 0f that today. I was so infatuated with a life of drugs by that time I spent it all in 3 years on drugs. The other 6 months I was using Meth all day every day.
Its strange you know for a while I was using Meth only on weekends or sometimes only every couple of weekends. That’s when I was still eating between 7 and 10 "x" pills a night. The Meth was just to top it off.
Then the pills seemed to be a waste of money, "Why am I spending this money on all those pills when I could be buying Meth with that money?"
And so it began. The money I was spending on pills was now being spent on Meth…and so was rent money, fuel money, bills money, every bit of money I could get my hands on. When I realized I could no longer afford my "habit" I built up quite a little network of people who could not get it unless it was through me. Therefore every time any one else needed it I would have to get it. I would take my "tax" out of the bag and of course be there for the use of the bag. Hence I was no longer paying for my now "addiction". I was using Meth before work, at work, after work. As I said, literally all day, every day for 5 months.
I could not see how this was a problem because as far as I knew no one could tell I was using. Little did I know I was breaking the hearts of all those around me as they stood bye and watched me slowly kill myself. My boss at work told me he was planning on firing me when I came to him and told him I was an addict. So although I thought I was fooling everyone I was actually affecting the lives of all those around me.
Meth was fun at first, and then as it started to create problems in my life I started using it to cover these problems. In effect, the bad things in my life were covered up and the good things seemed great. Then as time went on, the bad things stayed bad and the good things got worse. Then they got worse again and before I knew it the good things in my life became bad things as well. So I was just using Meth to cover up everything in my life. I was living on a cloud of Meth, not knowing what was high and what was reality and not really caring either.
When I realized I hated the idea of living a day without Meth, I admitted to myself I had a problem. The next day I told my father who had been in AA for 16 years. He also had a problem with drugs, but more so with alcohol. He embraced me and told me everything would be ok. I thought it would be ok.
The next 3 days were to be the worse 3 days of my life. The pain I went through coming off Meth was intense. I lasted 12 days clean before I relapsed. I went on a 6-day binge in which I did not sleep, eat or consider the feelings of those around me.
I then stayed clean for a couple of weeks, I was determined I could live clean from all drugs. Then I relapse on cocaine, it was only a one night thing and I didn’t really think anything of it. I stayed clean for a further few weeks, although I didn’t stop drinking alcohol. New Years Eve came and I was drinking and once again I used cocaine and ecstasy that night.
New Years Eve was to be the last time I used chemical drugs of any description. As I sit here writing this I am just short of 6 months clean from all Mind and Mood altering substances including alcohol and thanking god for every minute that passes in which I do not use the devils drug - the one, the only, the putrid METH.
I can honestly say that Meth came very close to taking everything I thought was special in my life, family, career, friends and other possessions. But I thank god he gave me a second chance to retrieve those thing and I hold them even closer now. What I did loose however was my sanity and my sense of self. I was hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there, I was talking to people that weren't there. I had literally lost my sanity. When I say I lost my sense of self, I lost any spirit I had inside. I lost any feeling of feeling alive. I felt hollow and it hurt. In the end using just hurt, it used to cover my pain and now it was increasing my pain.
I now attend NA everyday. I am working the 12 steps of NA and my life has changed dramatically, I live a life today I didn’t know existed.
If everything I went through brought me to writing this and by writing this even one person out there can save themselves the pain of ADDICTION, I am more than happy to have gone through what I did...eyes open once more....
--Sxxxxx
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