Below is a story from one of my past members about Meth. I am familiar with Meth and Speed and know the downfalls in life that it causes. Speed comes in many forms and there's isn't any form that I can think of that causes good things. My own brother died from repercussions of the drug.... 30 years after he got clean and sober. The Hep C that he contracted in 1966 came back to haunt him in 2004 and took his life. We all miss him dearly.
Milkman
Sxxxxxx's Personal Story
I am a 23 year old male. I live in Australia...I started using typical white powder cut speed when I was 15. That soon turned to what was to become my drug of choice "ecstasy"...I ate "X" every single weekend and a lot through the week for 7 and a half years.
When I turned 18 I received a compensation payout of $130 000, i can only account for $20 000 0f that today. I was so infatuated with a life of drugs by that time I spent it all in 3 years on drugs. The other 6 months I was using Meth all day every day.
Its strange you know for a while I was using Meth only on weekends or sometimes only every couple of weekends. That’s when I was still eating between 7 and 10 "x" pills a night. The Meth was just to top it off.
Then the pills seemed to be a waste of money, "Why am I spending this money on all those pills when I could be buying Meth with that money?"
And so it began. The money I was spending on pills was now being spent on Meth…and so was rent money, fuel money, bills money, every bit of money I could get my hands on. When I realized I could no longer afford my "habit" I built up quite a little network of people who could not get it unless it was through me. Therefore every time any one else needed it I would have to get it. I would take my "tax" out of the bag and of course be there for the use of the bag. Hence I was no longer paying for my now "addiction". I was using Meth before work, at work, after work. As I said, literally all day, every day for 5 months.
I could not see how this was a problem because as far as I knew no one could tell I was using. Little did I know I was breaking the hearts of all those around me as they stood bye and watched me slowly kill myself. My boss at work told me he was planning on firing me when I came to him and told him I was an addict. So although I thought I was fooling everyone I was actually affecting the lives of all those around me.
Meth was fun at first, and then as it started to create problems in my life I started using it to cover these problems. In effect, the bad things in my life were covered up and the good things seemed great. Then as time went on, the bad things stayed bad and the good things got worse. Then they got worse again and before I knew it the good things in my life became bad things as well. So I was just using Meth to cover up everything in my life. I was living on a cloud of Meth, not knowing what was high and what was reality and not really caring either.
When I realized I hated the idea of living a day without Meth, I admitted to myself I had a problem. The next day I told my father who had been in AA for 16 years. He also had a problem with drugs, but more so with alcohol. He embraced me and told me everything would be ok. I thought it would be ok.
The next 3 days were to be the worse 3 days of my life. The pain I went through coming off Meth was intense. I lasted 12 days clean before I relapsed. I went on a 6-day binge in which I did not sleep, eat or consider the feelings of those around me.
I then stayed clean for a couple of weeks, I was determined I could live clean from all drugs. Then I relapse on cocaine, it was only a one night thing and I didn’t really think anything of it. I stayed clean for a further few weeks, although I didn’t stop drinking alcohol. New Years Eve came and I was drinking and once again I used cocaine and ecstasy that night.
New Years Eve was to be the last time I used chemical drugs of any description. As I sit here writing this I am just short of 6 months clean from all Mind and Mood altering substances including alcohol and thanking god for every minute that passes in which I do not use the devils drug - the one, the only, the putrid METH.
I can honestly say that Meth came very close to taking everything I thought was special in my life, family, career, friends and other possessions. But I thank god he gave me a second chance to retrieve those thing and I hold them even closer now. What I did loose however was my sanity and my sense of self. I was hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there, I was talking to people that weren't there. I had literally lost my sanity. When I say I lost my sense of self, I lost any spirit I had inside. I lost any feeling of feeling alive. I felt hollow and it hurt. In the end using just hurt, it used to cover my pain and now it was increasing my pain.
I now attend NA everyday. I am working the 12 steps of NA and my life has changed dramatically, I live a life today I didn’t know existed.
If everything I went through brought me to writing this and by writing this even one person out there can save themselves the pain of ADDICTION, I am more than happy to have gone through what I did...eyes open once more....
--Sxxxxx
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