Recovery 365 – Aug 26 – Paranoia

Recovery 365 – Aug 26 – Paranoia

Recovery 365 – August 23 – Hand Reaching Out..

Recovery 365 – August 23 – Hand Reaching Out..

Hand Reaching Out.. (From a member)

“The hand is always reaching out. The newcomer is always arriving. I want to always be here. Nothing ensures my sobriety more than intense work with another alcoholic/addict. So my frequent contact continues to be the bright spot of my life. With 19 years and 8 months, I still feel like a newcomer. The promises say we will be amazed before we are half way through. What is half way through? Its daily F2F meetings for me. I’ve seen many who stayed away and then returned with a worse story. And many of them reported they were ok-sometimes for several years before they picked up and used. In fact they never thought they would drink or drug again. Their experience too, was and is there for me to take heed and learn from. I trust and pray that I have.”

For me, lately I haven’t been to many f2f meetings as life got very busy for me in the last few weeks. Things are settling down now and I will return to my meetings as I need to personal contact with others like me. It’s amazing how I feel after just an hour with others in recovery. I always hear what I need to hear whether I know it or not. I do my best to share ESH to others so that they might hear something that they need to hear also. Even with life getting “busy”, I’ve managed to stay tuned into my recovery online and having the responsibilities that I have taken, it helps keep me clean and sober for another 24.
Milkman

Recovery 365 - Love to Argue?

Love to Argue?

Do you ever find yourself enjoying a (good?) argument or debate with someone? Do you like matching "wits" with someone else?
I was involved in a couple of posts on other boards lately, in regards to a couple of posts that I posted. I got, what I thought were negative responses to them, and found myself, Justifying? or trying to "come back" at them, with what amounted to nothing more, than justifying and debating with the individuals involved.
I found some satisfaction in going back and forth with them, and tried my best not to post anything that would really offend anyone. I know in the past, I would have "laid into them" with "witty words" that would have been meant to demean or ridicule. I know that I still get sarcastic (read the discussion on sarcasm) but I really believe that I participated in these threads, just to have some fun. (At others expense?) I'm not sure.
When I was in my active addiction, there was nothing I enjoyed more, that to argue. I could argue about something, even if I knew I was wrong. I think that I did this, just to show the other person they were wrong (even if they weren't, lol), or to find ways to justify my own opinions.
I know that I've changed positively in these old behaviors, but I realize that their still inside me to some extent, with my argumentive nature. What about you all? Do you enjoy a good argument or debate? Can it be fun, or does it end up hurting someone else, in some manner or way?
Milkman

Recovery 365 – August 12 – Criticism

Recovery 365 – August 12 – Criticism

Recovery 365 – August 6 – Duck Quack.. Eagles Soar!

This was sent to me a few years back and I just love this and wanted to share it with everyone. Hope you all are safe, well, and enjoying your day. I know I am! .......... Milkman

May you all choose to Soar! ;-) Ducks Quack - Eagles Soar

No one can make you serve customers well....that's because great service is a choice.
Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.
He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .
He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'
Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment...
This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem.. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice...' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.'
Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'
As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'
And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.
'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?'
Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.
He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'
'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'
'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said.
'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'
Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.
Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
How about us? Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!
A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people.
Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar.
Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.
SORROW looks back, WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP... BECAUSE OF FATHER'S LOVE, I AM CHANGED!!! "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Recovery 365 – August 6 – Duck Quack.. Eagles Soar!

Recovery 365 – August 6 – Duck Quack.. Eagles Soar!

Recovery 365 - August 4 - The Biggest Competition...

THE BIGGEST COMPETITION OF MY LIFE

How did I wind up here? How in the hell does an athletic woman who was brought up in a perfectly loving family of moderate to upper-income status and who has a very public, successful career end up an alcoholic?
Hi. My name is Jill, and I’m an alcoholic. The first time I said those words 6 months ago, I was petrified. I was certain by speaking those words out loud, I would lose all my friends, all my family, my husband -- the whole shooting match. Alcoholism is for losers, right? Only low-lifes and scum “allow” themselves to become alcoholics.
My God, what I have learned in these 7 months to prove all of the above statements to be absolutely and utterly false.
How did this all start? I’m not quite sure. I did all the normal experimental drinking in high school on special occasions like the prom, graduation, etc. When I got out of high school, the drinking intensified as I turned legal drinking age. It’s what all my friends were doing, and I didn’t want to be left out of all the fun. Girl’s just want to have fun, right? I was all about having fun.
I guess nearly every sporting event I participated in after high school involved alcohol. Beer at the softball game, beer at the outdoor sand volleyball court, alcohol available at the baseball, football and basketball games I loved to attend. As I think about it, not many aspects of my life involved non-drinking activities. I love to camp, which also always involves sitting around the fire and – you guessed it – drinking. Let’s go skiing and then have a few drinks afterwards. Let’s go diving in some tropical climate and drink fruity rum drinks.
When I was 38, I got married and soon after moved west to California with my husband where we had no family or friends. But what the heck! We are adventurous and love skiing and the mountains and camping and hiking and the ocean. It was a perfect place for us – so we thought. Then I discovered wine country and grew a deep love and affection for wine.
About 18 months ago, I began to have the feeling something was wrong with me and my drinking. I wasn’t very much “fun” anymore, I was incredibly moody, and I was constantly walking around in a fog. I had helped myself become emotionally numb so that I wouldn’t miss the company of my family and my friends I had left behind.
My normal routine had become coming home, opening a bottle of wine, and pouring glass after glass until my husband got home. Well, he never gets home from work until about 7:30 or 8 p.m., so a lot of drinking can be accomplished in those 2 or 2.5 hours. He’d get home, I’d be moody or half in the bag, eat a little dinner and then pass out on the couch. That has been my life pretty much for the last year. What fun, huh?
My total wake-up call which happened two weeks ago was about as ugly as I can imagine. I don’t remember much, but I will share with you what I do remember. My husband was out of town for the week, and it was Memorial Day weekend. I took a nice long run that Saturday morning with the dog, and then came back and entertained the neighbor kids at the pool, where I decided to have a couple of beers. When I went back home a couple hours later, I decided to crack open a bottle of wine and watch a movie. I don’t remember the end of that movie. I also don’t remember anything else that happened until I “came to” about 2:30 a.m. on the couch with a bottle in my hand that had spilled all over me and the couch. Not only that, but the right side of my head was killing me. Not a hangover kind of pain, but physical pain. I went to the mirror to discover that I had a huge lump on my forehead and a black eye.
This is what I have pieced together of what happened that night. At some point in the evening, I went outside with the dog and started yelling at some woman who was mad at me for having the dog off-leash. During the fiasco, my little neighbor friend, Tina (who is 13 years old)heard me yelling and came out and saw all this and I guess had to help me back in the house. Not, however, before I fell flat on my face and nearly killed myself from the impact. At some point, I must have been in the hot tub, because I left the cover open. How I didn’t drown, I have no idea.
The next morning, I was horrified. I couldn’t piece anything together, and when Tina was talking to me about the previous nights events, I wanted to cry right there in front of her. I tried to take a nap, but the horror and fear of what had happened the night before gripped me so badly I could not rest. I had to stop drinking. I didn’t really care that I had nearly killed myself, I cared that I had made a total ass of myself in front of a young girl who idolizes me. My heart was broken and I had to admit my problem. Without my husband there, I promptly walked over to Tina’s Mom, Robin, who is a dear friend of mine, and admitted through my tears that I was an alcoholic.
To my shock, she hugged and told me she loved me and would help me in any way she could to help me get better.
The next hurdle was telling my husband. I picked him up at midnight at the airport that same Monday night, and though it was late and the timing less than perfect, I had to get it off my chest then and there, and I did. I told the one person I love most that I was an alcoholic. He held my hand, and told me he loved me and that he was proud of me for coming to this realization. He would be by my side every step of the way.
The next major hurdle was going to my first AA meeting. Oh my God, I had to sit in a room full of drunks and losers and admit I was just like them. I think that day I had talked myself in and out of going to that first meeting 50 or more times. Even 15 minutes before the meeting was to begin, I was calling one of my friends so that she would talk me into going. I finally just jumped in the car and plowed ahead. When I arrived, there were several questionable looking men standing outside of the door. One guy said to me, “Are you looking for a bunch of drunks?” I smiled and said yes. From that moment on, I was o.k. The group setting was a bit scary and there were a lot of AA rituals I was unfamiliar with, but the speaker that night was awesome. The speaker, Ron, talked about his long battle with alcoholism, and how he struggled and struggled for his sobriety. Today, he has been sober 28 years! He talked about his drinking, and how it totally ruined his career, but that he drank so that he would “feel comfortable in his own skin.” Oh, how I could totally relate to that statement.
While I didn’t lose my job, I didn’t lose my husband, I didn’t kill someone in a car accident, I didn’t have to take a drink in every morning to get through the day, I still truly believe all of that would have happened if I continued to drink. Blackouts had become all too common of an occurrence when I drank, and the thought that I could have gotten in my car and killed someone frightens the hell out of me. I could never live with myself if I harmed another person.
I have just begun my road to sobriety, but I am happy. I’m not saying it is easy, but I love what I am learning to become – a person who can look in the mirror and love myself for having the guts to face my problem head on.
I would be remiss to say I will be able to do this on my own. It is the love of God, the AA program, and my family and friends that have guided me and supported me thus far, and will guide me until the day I die. Today it is my greatest hope that one day I will be able to help someone else fight their way back to a sober life full of love, laughter and happiness.

Recovery 365 - August 1 - Another Meth Story

Below is a story from one of my past members about Meth. I am familiar with Meth and Speed and know the downfalls in life that it causes. Speed comes in many forms and there's isn't any form that I can think of that causes good things. My own brother died from repercussions of the drug.... 30 years after he got clean and sober. The Hep C that he contracted in 1966 came back to haunt him in 2004 and took his life. We all miss him dearly.

Milkman

---

Sxxxxxx's Personal Story

Hi my name is Sxxxxx I just joined your group and thought id send you my story so you can post it...my name on your group is NAsxxxxx...
I am a 23 year old male. I live in Australia...I started using typical white powder cut speed when I was 15. That soon turned to what was to become my drug of choice "ecstasy"...I ate "X" every single weekend and a lot through the week for 7 and a half years.
When I turned 18 I received a compensation payout of $130 000, i can only account for $20 000 0f that today. I was so infatuated with a life of drugs by that time I spent it all in 3 years on drugs. The other 6 months I was using Meth all day every day.
Its strange you know for a while I was using Meth only on weekends or sometimes only every couple of weekends. That’s when I was still eating between 7 and 10 "x" pills a night. The Meth was just to top it off.
Then the pills seemed to be a waste of money, "Why am I spending this money on all those pills when I could be buying Meth with that money?"
And so it began. The money I was spending on pills was now being spent on Meth…and so was rent money, fuel money, bills money, every bit of money I could get my hands on. When I realized I could no longer afford my "habit" I built up quite a little network of people who could not get it unless it was through me. Therefore every time any one else needed it I would have to get it. I would take my "tax" out of the bag and of course be there for the use of the bag. Hence I was no longer paying for my now "addiction". I was using Meth before work, at work, after work. As I said, literally all day, every day for 5 months.
I could not see how this was a problem because as far as I knew no one could tell I was using. Little did I know I was breaking the hearts of all those around me as they stood bye and watched me slowly kill myself. My boss at work told me he was planning on firing me when I came to him and told him I was an addict. So although I thought I was fooling everyone I was actually affecting the lives of all those around me.
Meth was fun at first, and then as it started to create problems in my life I started using it to cover these problems. In effect, the bad things in my life were covered up and the good things seemed great. Then as time went on, the bad things stayed bad and the good things got worse. Then they got worse again and before I knew it the good things in my life became bad things as well. So I was just using Meth to cover up everything in my life. I was living on a cloud of Meth, not knowing what was high and what was reality and not really caring either.
When I realized I hated the idea of living a day without Meth, I admitted to myself I had a problem. The next day I told my father who had been in AA for 16 years. He also had a problem with drugs, but more so with alcohol. He embraced me and told me everything would be ok. I thought it would be ok.
The next 3 days were to be the worse 3 days of my life. The pain I went through coming off Meth was intense. I lasted 12 days clean before I relapsed. I went on a 6-day binge in which I did not sleep, eat or consider the feelings of those around me.
I then stayed clean for a couple of weeks, I was determined I could live clean from all drugs. Then I relapse on cocaine, it was only a one night thing and I didn’t really think anything of it. I stayed clean for a further few weeks, although I didn’t stop drinking alcohol. New Years Eve came and I was drinking and once again I used cocaine and ecstasy that night.
New Years Eve was to be the last time I used chemical drugs of any description. As I sit here writing this I am just short of 6 months clean from all Mind and Mood altering substances including alcohol and thanking god for every minute that passes in which I do not use the devils drug - the one, the only, the putrid METH.
I can honestly say that Meth came very close to taking everything I thought was special in my life, family, career, friends and other possessions. But I thank god he gave me a second chance to retrieve those thing and I hold them even closer now. What I did loose however was my sanity and my sense of self. I was hearing voices and seeing things that weren’t there, I was talking to people that weren't there. I had literally lost my sanity. When I say I lost my sense of self, I lost any spirit I had inside. I lost any feeling of feeling alive. I felt hollow and it hurt. In the end using just hurt, it used to cover my pain and now it was increasing my pain.
I now attend NA everyday. I am working the 12 steps of NA and my life has changed dramatically, I live a life today I didn’t know existed.
If everything I went through brought me to writing this and by writing this even one person out there can save themselves the pain of ADDICTION, I am more than happy to have gone through what I did...eyes open once more....
--Sxxxxx

Recovery 365 - July 30 - Relapse Happens....

Recovery 365 - July 30 - Relapse Happens....

OxyContin change has many switching to heroin

OxyContin change has many switching to heroin

daily reflections for July 25-THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER

daily reflections for July 25-THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER

Recovery 365 - July 24 - A New Life

Recovery 365 - July 24 - A New Life

As Bill Sees It - A New Life

Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning; it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. As it does go on, we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life - the one that did not work - for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.
Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps.
GRAPEVINE, DECEMBER 1957
Big Book page 28
We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
___________________________________________
Speaking for myself, a new life was given to me at age 53. It took a lot of circumstances coming together for this to come about and I’m glad I was aware enough to see it. All of the promises have come true for me and my life has purpose today. As said above, I was drowning and I can attest that “the design for living” given to me really works.
Milkman

Recovery 365 - July 24 - Fear

Recovery 365 - July 24 - Fear

Recovery 365 - July 20 - Treatment Centers

Recovery 365 - July 20 - Treatment Programs

Submitted by Milkman Mike on July 19, 2012 - 6:37pm

I've heard a lot of talk about how Treatment and Recovery Centers don't send the right messages to the newcomers. Some say that it gives people the wrong information for THEIR particular program. I can only speak for myself when talking about the programs that I've been in. In 1988, the police came to my house about a disturbance that was going on. My wife and I were yelling and screaming at each other, and I was drunk as a skunk. The police took me to detox, where I ended up doing a voluntary 28 day program. I think that was what got me admitting that I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable. I learned a lot about myself, but obviously, not enough, as it took another 12 years of active alcoholism and addiction for me to finally surrender.

In Oct. of 2000, facing another prison term of 5 to 7 years for the last of uncountless drunk driving arrests, I pushed the courts to send me to CRC, the state program for addictions. The DA fought like hell to deny me this program, as in his words, "he's an alcoholic, not an addict". I had to go into my past and "prove" that I was an addict, and the judge in his words said, "Jails and prisons have not helped this man, we are going to try something different, and send him to CRC, and see what happens". Well folks, I haven't had a drink or drug since that last arrest. Yes, CRC was a program designed for the addict. But as the ongoing controversy goes, What the hell IS an addict? Everyone seems to have their own opinion of this, but for ME, the bottom line WAS..........I NEEDED HELP!!!!! I could not change my life around by MYSELF!!!
The program, although focusing on addiction, forced me to look at the way that I'd been living my life. Made me see things about myself that kept me "out there". Opened my mind, let me get honest with myself, and I got willing to do what I had to do to change things. When I got out, I was sent to an aftercare program that was based on Spirituality. Myself and another were the only Whites in a program of African Americans. Now if you've ever been to prison, you know what I'm talking about when it comes to the racial distensions. At first it was very distasteful there, but once I got to know the people it opened my mind and changed a lot of views that I'd grown up with. I learned to accept people for who they are, and not WHAT they are.
All the time I spent in these programs, I was taught about addiction. I went to NA, as that was what was available. Although I'm an alcoholic first, as that's my drug of choice, I was an addict also, as anything that altered my mind, was for ME. Today, I go to AA, as that's where I feel most comfortable at. I attend NA meetings from time to time, as I have to stay connected with those people that I'm like. ADDICTS! The AA that I go to doesn't have many closed meetings, and not much is said when people share not only about alcohol, but drugs as well. It is in an area that the members are mostly dual addicted and it is accepted. For those that don't want to accept it, there are the closed meetings, just for alcoholics. For those that want to abide by the singleness of purpose of either program, I do not object. Yes, I do want AA to be there for any of my ancestors that may have a drinking problem in the future. But I also want them to feel comfortable in ANY program, if they have other addictions as well. My group members are people from many different programs, and I believe that we can all learn from each other. I have no objection to those that want to talk about a specific program and follow their principles and guidelines. We can all learn from each other on how to deal with our day to day problems and stay clean/sober for another 24 hours.
For those with specific addictions, we will do our best to direct the newcomers to the program that may be best for them individually. For the alcoholic - AA, and for the addict - NA. There are many other programs for individual addictions and the programs are listed on the side under "Other Addictions". These are only my thoughts, opinions and experience. Have a great day all.
This was a post that I posted about 6 years ago on one of my sites. I still feel the same today. Below I've put in a comment from my post that one of our members posted in response to mine above. It's a great read and tells you might experience in a program like the one he went to. Enjoy the read as I did.
Milkman
Jim, on Treatment Centers
I am Jim a grateful recovering addict........NA This is my ESH on the topic of Treatment Center's and Detox facilities. I am in no way here to (advocate) for or (push) Treatment on anyone, simply to share my experience. I have been through treatment twice and I can tell you that all treatment center's are not created equal.
The first treatment center was in 1984 and it was a 60 day program based on 12 step meeting's (3 per day) and they pushed you through the first 5 steps in that 60 day's. They used a soft approach like, let us love you until you can love yourself and we see you are hurting so we will back off. I stayed clean for 1 year and went back out for 15 more years. The bottom line is, I always had a reservation in the back of my head that said, some day I can use again and I did!
On 3/17/02 I crawled into treatment for the second time a broken man, I was bankrupt in every sense of the word. I well refer to this treatment center as ( Carlton ). The first thing they asked me was if I needed to go to detox. I convinced them I was ok and I didn't need to go to detox. They assigned me a ( Big Brother ) another client that had been there awhile and his job was to show me the facility, get me settled in and teach me the rules. The first thing he did was give me a 3x5 notebook and pen and told me I was to keep this on my person at all times. Then he showed me the bathroom and pointed to a piece of paper on the outside of the door and said if you need to go to the bathroom you sign your name on this log, complete with the date and time and don't forget the two little dots and AM or PM on the time. I said you want me to sign a piece of paper before I go to the bathroom ? He said yes and when you are done you need to sign out ! LOL.....I thought omg what did I get myself into. But I had promised myself that I was not going to blow out of treatment and I made a decision to completely surrender to this place and do what ever they asked me to do.
Carlton is a 1 year commitment, 90 days inpatient,90 days out patient and 6 months aftercare. It is an intense behavioral modification program. Very few things in life could prepare a person for this place. It is very confrontational ( in your face ) approach and they do there treatment with sleep deprivation and a very high level of stress. On a good night you might get 5 hours of sleep. They attack behaviors in an effort to raise your awareness level. A large part of the program is ( support and consequence ) for example, If I get up from the dinner table and forget to push my chair back in and another client sees me do it, he takes out his 3x5 notebook and approaches me. He says Jim I would like to support you in the form of a consequence for chair unaware ( UA ) for short, then he will say, and my positive affirmation is ( whatever) like you are doing good in your treatment and I am glad you are here. The only proper response from me is thank you, nothing more nothing less, if I try to say anything else it is another consequence.
At this point I take out my 3x5 and I write down the time and date, who gave me the consequence and what it was for, he does the same. I have 2 hours to report it to mister C and he assigns me a task like washing a window or wiping a door frame. When done I report back to mister C and he checks it off as complete. There are more serious consequences like self will and sarcasm you write a 3 page paper on the offense and how it is detrimental to your recovery. Threatening and aggressive behavior is a dischargeable offense. For projecting an attitude, you get to pack a stuffed animal with you at all times for 3 days. You are to treat it just like a real child, if you forget about it and leave it in a room, you get supported for child abandonment and go before a make shift child services board and plead your case as to why you should be allowed to get your child back.
In Oregon we have a law on the books called measure 11,if you are convicted for assault it is an automatic 72 months in prison and the judge has no say in the matter. Well if you go off on someone in Carlton it is a measure 11 crime times how ever many people are in the facility at the time, which is normally around 30 people including staff and they can do this because it is suppose to be a safe place. Then they have processes that they put certain people on. If you have low self esteem they put you on a process that before you can engage in any conversation you first have got to say, I am a kind and gentle man worthy of love. Then you can talk to people. If you are a perfectionist, they make you ware two different shoes and mess up your room. All of this is going on with the daily treatment functions.
Your first assignment when you go in to Carlton is to write an autobiography going back to your earliest memory to the present and you have 1 week to complete it. Then you read it in front of the group and believe me you had better get real in your auto or they well flip and humiliate you in front of the entire house and make you do it again. After you do your auto then your case manager makes up your treatment plan and you are given assignments with time limits and you need to find the time to get it done because you still have your regular daily classes like, Relapse prevention, Thinking errors and tactics, Anger management and drug education. And in all these classes you write either 3 or 7 page papers that are due within 5 days and if you are late turning in an assignment they reward your request for 7 more pages.....LOL...as they put it. This program is no joke, it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but it was also the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
They tell you going into Carlton that if you do everything they ask you to do in 90 days of inpatient treatment that when you leave you well have the equivalent of 2 1/2 to 3 years of recovery. They say this because of the nature of the things they have you dive into. They have you work on core issues like shame and guilt, anger and grief and they show you how to pin point where you learned shame and where your anger came from. They have house positions like house manager, kitchen manager and assistant kitchen manager, recreation officer and mister C.
The house is basically run by the clients and if the house is not running like it should the staff drops the hammer. If things get to out of line they put the house on retreat and at Carlton that is not a good thing. The entire house is shut down and you do nothing but treatment 20 hours a day you are in group for 12 hours each day, no outside meetings, no phone, no passes. And you don't get off retreat until the house pulls together and starts running like it is meant to. On the weekends they have a car wash, half the clients work Saturday and half Sunday. It is set up on a donation bases and half the money is split between the clients and the other half goes into an account for the Carlton annual camp out. Plus they do things in the community like clean up the college basketball court after a game in exchange for free admittance into the game. They go to 5 outside meetings and have 2 inside meetings per week. They want you to have a sponsor and a home group before you leave treatment.
The staff at Carlton are masters at pulling things out of you that you have never told another person. Your last week in treatment they send you to the local Detox center to do risk work. You admit, care for and share your ESH with the folks in detox and I can tell you that this was an experience I well never forget. It was so hard and scary to be less then 90 days clean and have to restrain the alcoholic down to a gurney because he was in DT'S or to clean up after the heroin addict that was so sick he wanted to die. The good part of that was to see what I had to look forward to if I pick up again and I guess that was the intent.
You have really got to want to change your life to make it through a treatment center like this one. A lot of people blow out of Carlton, usually within the first week and they go right back to getting loaded and you read about them in the paper, they die, go back to prison or kill someone driving drunk. The staff at Carlton will tell you that the doors are not locked, if you don't want to be here leave, make room for someone that wants to live. They have a waiting list there and get clients from all over the country. But I guess the bottom line is, like 12 step programs, you get out of treatment what you put into it. I got a lot out of Carlton because I applied myself. I am forever grateful to that place, what I learned there has changed my life forever.
When I left treatment I had blisters on top of calluses from writing so much. I wrote over 700 pages in 90 days, I still have every paper I wrote and I look at it from time to time and it is amazing how far I have come and how much my thinking has changed. Carlton has a bell in the house that is used when someone has a major problem or a care and concern for another client, they ring the bell and the entire house heads to the group room to process what ever is going on. The bell takes priority over every thing else, it is viewed as a life and death thing and nobody leaves that room until the problem is resolved.
One thing that is unique about Carlton is once you complete that program and as long as you don't get loaded you are always welcome there. As a Carlton graduate I know that if my ass is falling off and nothing out here is working I can go into that house any time 24/7 and ring that bell and set down with 25 men and process what ever is going on. If I find myself homeless they well give me a bed and help me get into a recovery house. I go back there all the time, the staff are members of my support group and my friends today. The Carlton philosophy is, ( It’s not only Treatment , and It’s a way of life ) !
All treatment centers are not created equal. A good one well always feed into 12 step programs. I find it interesting that more often then not, the folks that seem to slam or knock treatment centers, either have never been through one, or they blew out of treatment at one point in there life without completing the program. Treatment Center save lives, without them there would be many more people dieing then there is. Carlton saved my life and I am forever grateful for what they done for me. What keeps me clean today is the God of my understanding and 12 step programs, but speaking for myself here, without Carlton's help in untwisting my life, I doubt I would be alive today. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) JIM

Recovery 365 - July 18 - Acceptance

Acceptance

Acceptance, in spirituality, mindfulness, and human psychology, usually refers to the experience of a situation without an intention to change that situation.
Acceptance does not require that change is possible or even conceivable, nor does it require that the situation be desired or approved by those accepting it.
Indeed, acceptance is often suggested when a situation is both disliked and unchangeable, or when change may be possible only at great cost or risk.
Thus someone may decide to take no action against a situation and yet be said to have not accepted it.
Now, I guess that’s where the serenity prayer comes into hand
God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change,
COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference
When I was in my last program before I hit the streets, I fought acceptance HARD. I tried to analyze the serenity prayer by saying, how do I KNOW what things I cannot change, if I don’t TRY? Ah, but if I had looked at the last part of the prayer, I might have seen “and the wisdom to know the difference”.
I guess for ME, that wisdom was slow in learning, but the longer I was in recovery, and did the things that were suggested, the wisdom started coming. I started to make better decisions on WHAT I could change and WHAT I could not. The wisdom taught me just how far I could go and what I could do to try and change some of those things. Now, that doesn’t mean I have to accept EVERYTHING. There are some things in life that I will NEVER accept. The only difference today is, I’ve learned to deal with those things, and handle or react to them differently.
Acceptance of failure might be something that I can’t accept, unless I’ve exhausted every thing I know of to change that. Doesn’t mean I would like it, but it might be something that I would have to learn to accept. The one thing that I know I've accepted (and don’t really like), is that I’ll NEVER be able to drink or use again, if I wish to continue the life I lead now.

daily reflections for July 18-GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE

daily reflections for July 18-GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE

Grateful For What I Have

During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,p.75

Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God's abundance, but I need to ask also for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humilty to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me.

Recovery 365 - July 17 - Victim of Circumstances

Victim of circumstances

For anyone that’s ever been in jail, I’m sure you can relate to how everyone is innocent, say the man behind bars. Being a frequent visitor to jails and institutions in my drinking days, I can attest to this saying, and have used it myself many times. There were times when I shouldn’t have gone to jail so my own mind thought, being easier to put the blame on someone else being the fault for getting caught. Yep, getting caught for something illegal, but it was safe at the time until that so and so did something wrong to get me caught and put in jail.
Yea, it was my wife’s fault for yelling at me because I was drunk and then I left the house in my car only to pull into the bowling alley parking lot and get a DUI. Well, it was my son’s fault for breaking the windshield of the car and that was the reason they were suspicious of me and found out I was driving drunk. It was everyone else’s fault for me going to jail that night, and it was their fault that I went to prison for the first time, and it was their fault because it was my 4th DUI in a 5 year period, because 2 of the other DUI’s were their fault too. I should have only gone to county jail instead of prison. It was their fault darn it. Can you hear me?
Well, as I look back, there may have been times when I shouldn’t have gone to jail or suffered consequences for actions I did, but the fact remains that I am the one that chose the lifestyle that put me in those circumstances. If you get away with something and keep on doing it, sooner or later the ODDS will getcha!
Today, I chose to live a different life and what I do, right or wrong, gives me the outcome that was chosen by me and the roads I walk, and not by someone else. Can you relate?
Be responsible for your own actions!!

Recovery 365 - July 16 - Freedom

Freedom

What does freedom mean to you?
Freedom can mean being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint, Economic freedom, political freedom, and it can also mean physiological freedom. I’m sure we could find many other types of freedom, but for me, I’ll stick with these for now, as they are most important to my life as I see it.
I had my physical freedom taken from me many times during my life because of not conforming to the laws of the land. Most of my freedom was taken because of my abuse of alcohol and drugs. I’ve known people during my lifetime that never got into any problems when drinking or taking drugs socially. My problem was that as hard as I might have tried, I could NOT drink or use drugs socially. I started out that way, but my craving and addiction took over after the first one of either. I always wanted more to the extent that I ended up either not knowing what I was doing, doing stupid things and many times ending up in jail because of those actions.
Drugs and alcohol also took away my freedom of choice, freedom of emotion, and freedom of self control. I lost all freedom of self when I started on that first one.
Today in recovery, I’ve regained most of my freedoms and a few more that I never had, so that’s a plus. You can’t lose something you never had in the first place, lol.
What does freedom mean to YOU? What freedoms did your addictions take from you?
My Reflections in Recovery for the day.
Milkman Mike

Just For Today - July 16 - Self-esteem

Self-esteem

“Deep inside, I had feellngs of inadequacy and inferiority.” Basic Text, p. 112

Somewhere along the way, many of us developed strong feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Deep inside was a voice that continually cried out, “You’re worthless!” Many of us learn to recognize this characteristic of low self-esteem very early in our recovery. Some of us may feel that our feelings of inferiority were where all our problems began.

Whether we learn this low self-esteem in our families or through our interactions with others, in NA we learn the tools for reclaiming ourselves. Building up our fractured self-esteem sometimes begins by simply accepting a service position. Or perhaps our phone begins to ring, and for the first time people are calling just to see how we are. They don’t want anything from us but to reach out and help.

Next we get a sponsor, someone who teaches us that we are worthwhile and believes in us until we can believe in ourselves. Our sponsor guides us through the Twelve Steps where we learn who we really are, not who we have built ourselves up or down to be.
Low self-esteem doesn’t go away overnight. Sometimes it takes years for us to really get in touch with ourselves. But with the help of other members of NA who share our same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, we blossom into individuals that others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect.

Just for today: I will remember that I am deserving of my Higher Power’s love. I know that I am a worthy human being. pg. 206

twenty-four hours a day for July 14 | Milkman's Sober Living

twenty-four hours a day for July 14 | Milkman's Sober Living: A.A. Thought for the Day

One of the best things about the A.A. program is the peace of mind and serenity that it can bring us. In our drinking days, we had no peace of mind or serenity. We had the exact opposite, a kind of turmoil and that "quiet desperation' we knew so well. The turmoil of our drinking days was caused partly by our physical suffering, the terrible hangovers, the cold sweats, the shakes and the jitters. But it was caused even more by our mental suffering, the loneliness, the feeling of inferiority, the lying, the remorse that every alcoholic understands. HAVE I ACHIEVED MORE PEACE OF MIND?

Meditation for the Day

Try to look for God's leading in all your personal relationships, in all your dealings with other persons. God will help you to take care of all your relationships with people, if you are willing to let Him guide you. Rejoice that God can protect you and keep you from temptation and failure. God can protect you in all situations during the day, if you will rely on His strength and go forward. You should feel that you are entering upon the stage of success in the proper way of living. You should not doubt that better things are ahead for you. Go forward unafraid because you feel deeply safe inder God's protection.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God may protect and keep me as long as I try to serve Him. I pray that I may go forward today unafraid.