Financial Stress in Recovery
How do you deal with financial stress, after you get clean and sober? Man, this was a major concern for me to deal with after being released from my program 9 years ago. My past was a financial disaster!!! I owed the government, (State and Federal) close to $40,000.00, no credit, no car, couldn't get a bank account because of all the bad checks I wrote in the past, and basically, didn't have a pot to piss in.I got to the point that my family didn't even want to see me coming, in fear that I was going to ask for money. The last 5-10 years of my active alcoholism and addictions, were spent going from job to job, to avoid the garnishments of my wages. I figured it would take the government and my creditors about 6 months to find my new employment. But alas, the computer age. The 6 months dropped down to 3 months, then 2, and then and now, about 30 days. It's pretty hard to change jobs every 30 days, so something had to change. It did. The change was ME. I got clean and sober, with the help of the court system, and the God of my understanding. I've been "free" for about 9 1/2 years now, still owe a lot of money, but the difference today is, I don't stress on it, and I can stay at the same job today. The reason? I dealt with my past bills. I contacted the government and people I owed, and made payment arrangements, started paying my "today" bills, and living within my means.
I found that most of my creditors were willing to take payments on those past bills and I kept my agreements with them. It was pretty hard, making those arrangements, as I had done the same thing in the past, but never stood behind my word. Today, when I say I'm gonna do something, I generally do it. I've become responsible to myself and to what I owe. I'm not financially secure in the general sense, but I'm happy and free.
I live my life around what I can afford and do my best to stick to it. Before I make promises, I think about it, and make sure that I can keep them. It's a wonderful feeling today, being able to pick up the phone, answer the door, without the fear of it being someone I owe. And it gets better every day. As long as I can stay clean and sober, it will continue to do so. Anyone have anything to add in dealing with financial Stress? Would love to hear from you.
Milkman
The above was a topic I brought up in one of my forums a few years ago edited for this article. Since that article, events have brought me to a new level financially. I still make payments to the government and have cleaned up my credit. My wife and I are presently in the process of buying a home. We are trying to use a
We have found that there are many obstacles that we weren’t aware of and are doing our best to overcome them. Whether or not we will, remains to be seen, but we are doing our best to make a dream come true. There is always hope for those that seek out. Our past we can nothing about, but our future is always open if we walk the right roads.
The following excerpt are replies from some of my members on this subject, and at the time, these and other posts from members that had been thru what I did and made it thru, helped me and others to find alternatives and options in reclaiming life in sobriety. This shows me that discussion boards on the internet serve their purpose.
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I used to be the same way. Past……… a wreck period...
no credit, no money, no prospects of anything good.
it took 14 years to get rid of that old stuff and working my butt off in the process.
I would always get in a hole in the past, and keep digging deeper.
first rule of holes:
when I am in one, quit digging!!
I learned that one the hard way.
It’s totally different today. Still work my butt off, but today I know where my money goes. my wife and I pull together in the same direction, and have quite a few material possessions, things I never figured I would have
How it happened is work, do the right thing, focus on recovery, and make a plan (not the outcome) for a future time. A plan so small we could achieve it. Then another like a set of steps and stick to it-one day at a time, as each day goes by, we were one day closer to achieving the plan.
"if you fail to plan, you plan on failing"
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Hey Milkman thanks for your message. I can relate to giving my all to my disease. At this particular time I'm not able to drive due to consequences caused by the choices I made, so I have to rely on the transit system, which is ok but I need tools, ladders, etc. So I'm also relying on certain people that are willing to help( as long as I'm sober you understand)
I find myself overwhelmed by my bills from the past (some I've neglected) and am looking for "the quick fix". When I drive I make about 3-4 times the wage. The addict in me thinks all kinds of crap (for instance I drove for 3 years without a license, why not?) This is not an option, just some stinking thinking. I have reached out to people in both programs and with one fellow’s help have set up payments for a couple of debts. I'm almost one year clean and the difference today as opposed to the past is I fully know if I do not be responsible (and honest) in all my affairs, they will be triggers for me to use. I have stayed clean one day at a time, but will find myself projecting into the future and lamenting the past. Prayer helps, but its difficult when I'm not in good head space Milkman, I love this site and I wanted to say just a few words, but I look what I've typed and realized I needed to vent some "stuff".
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There is a place called "Consumer Credit Counseling" that will help people who are behind in their bills. They are a non-profit agency and in MY day they only charged $3, I think, to cover the cost of their checks. And what they do is talk to all of your creditors and come up with a payment that they feel you can handle. Then you make the payment to them and they divide the money to pay your creditors. No more credit agencies on your back and a great way to clear up the wreckage of your past.
My ex and I had to use them one time long before the program. We were very young, bought a new house with wall to wall carpet so we needed a new vacuum (Kirby!), and needed new furniture for a new house! We already had bought a new camper when he got a $40 raise! We lived payday to payday and a $40 raise meant we could charge another $40 payment! (It made sense at the time!!!) THEN, just after the move, the company he worked for changed their paydays from twice a month to every two weeks....which meant each payday was short a day or two! Wow!! We were robbing Peter to pay Paul. We were told about this company and it sure saved us! I have never charged anything sense. They were a tremendous help to peace of mind. Just a thought here. Not a crutch, but a helping hand up.....and not a ton of finance charges, you know? Hugs and love, Carol
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Hi ,been there done that ,,for me I still dealing with the wreckage of the past when I first got sober I wanted thirty years of wreckage cleaned up in 1-2 years ,,like a good alcoholic I want it and I want it now, It is about progress not perfection ,,I had to learn to do the best I can with what I got , if I work for it' it will come ,usually not when I what it.. What I had to do was not beat up on my self, try not to focus on the problem and work on the solution, been sober 12 years, and I will always have problems that’s ok because it keeps me honest. because if everything was perfect I would probably not need this wonderful program. Thanks
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I experience financial stress a lot still. I have been sober a while now and have cleaned up much of the past financial mistakes, but it just seems my bills are usually higher than what we make. Things are looking up, my husband got a new job that pays well and has a good future, and I am up for a raise and starting school that will one day lead to a much better job, but what about now? That's what gets me freaked.
The future money won't pay the mortgage this month. What I need to do is make a conscious effort to just STOP the whirling in my brain. If I need to, I call creditors and ask if there is anyway we can work out a payment plan, I do, and often they will work with you. I also try and differentiate between what I want and what I need. Often, there is a big difference. Acceptance is a big thing for me. I need to accept what my situation is right now and try not to compare myself to other people. I have a friend who always says "do not compare your insides to other people's outsides" That can be hard for me.
Usually things work out. It seems that they just do. Most problems are not really as big as I make them in my head. I try to apply the serenity prayer, too. I can change a lot, but I need to slow down enough to see what is what. When I am in a state of fear, I cannot see the big picture. The steps have really helped me to do this. I do not live in a constant state of fear today. Situations that used to baffle me are often a little clearer today - when I can step back and look at the situation clearly.
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You got it right there
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I'm a chip off the old block, my father always worried about finances, even though he made good money. There were up's & down's like most of us that weren't born into old money. He had an Achilles' heel though - gambling. It sometimes made him literally sick, seeing him come home from some of his sessions looking like a whiter shade of pale ( one of my favorite songs ) and I hated seeing him suffer from this self inflicted vice. It was an outlet, an unhealthy addiction, but he always managed to pay the bills, good times and bad and he had a triple A credit rating, so go figure...lol.
One of the things that I do that causes stress in my life is investing in the financial markets, stocks, bonds, FOREX, etc. I do my homework, logging in very early to sites to try to find out as much as possible about what's going on, and then going to my brokerage house accounts. It is often said that the markets are driven by fear & greed...that turns out to be true much of the time. I have felt both those emotions, especially recently, the volatility is mind boggling, up and down like a yo-yo...he he. It is best to be prudent - at the same time, it is often the case that there is no rhyme or reason as to what goes on out there in the global markets. I know and understand the risks and like the action. Sometimes I win, sometime I lose...and my bills are always paid. If I can't afford something, I don't buy it.
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I've got enough money to last the rest of my life--if I die tomorrow! lol I don't have to like it, but I do accept that I will probably never be one of those folks with financial security, who KNOWS they'll have retirement income and all that. Oh, I try to put some up, but at the end of every meeting (and I still make them regularly!) we ask God to give us THIS DAY our "daily bread," meaning provisions. So--do I have everything I need TODAY? You bet! Do I know for sure how bills will get paid next month? Well....I have faith. At least I know I am NOT alone. And I can share with others that, if your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep becomes your downfall! I have a friend right now who HAS to get her rent expense down and her income up. So (together) we are brainstorming the many ways to get that done. For every problem there are a variety of solutions. It's just acting on the best one. Meanwhile, be grateful! I should have been dead years ago. Without A.A. I wouldn't have financial problems. Dead folks don't stress about money, ya know? hugs ~~ Julie
If you would like to join us sharing recovery from alcohol and addictions you can find us at: Milkman's Sober Living
We can do together what we cannot do alone. Peace to all
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