Milkman's Reflections - Jan 9 - Hitting Bottom

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 9 - Hitting Bottom


Hitting BottomDespair and Isolation
Most alcoholics/addicts eventually hit a bottom in their active addictions. Bottom can be different for each individual, ranging from just not feeling well after drinking too much up to losing everything that you might have and cherish, and sometimes even your life.
I can only speak for myself when I talk about bottoms as it means something different for everyone. For me, I hit a lot of “bottoms” during my drinking days, ending up in jails, losing many material things, jobs, relationships and more, all due to my uncontrolled drinking. Once I had one drink I could not stop. It didn’t matter whether I had money to buy another drink; I always found a way to get one and more. Borrow, beg and/or steal to get that drink. No one was exempt from my attempts to use them to get another drink; family, friends and even people I didn’t like. You were all “fair game” for me. I could sell ice to an Eskimo when it came to needing that drink.
My agenda for so many years was going to jail regularly about every 3 to 4 years, doing on the average of 6 months and having probation when released. I was on either probation or parole from the time I was 15 years old until the age of 55, with very few time spans in between that I wasn’t. As soon as I was released from jail I would seek out the nearest bar or liquor store and it was on again for me.
I believe that I hit my bottom when I was released from prison in 1997 and realized that I had nothing to go back to, as I had known before. I had no home to go to as my wife had left me while I was away. She had finally gotten fed up with my going away and leaving her with all the problems and alone. As parole would not let me go to San Mateo County to my brother’s house, I ended up in the homeless shelter in Napa, as my money ran out quick.
I ended up going back with my wife in 1999 but I had not changed much as far as my drinking went. I still drank when I could get away with it, which was quite often, and she got fed up again and kicked me out. It didn't take long to get another DUI and I ended back in Napa Jail. Knowing I needed help, I did everything I could to get CRC (California Rehabilitation Center) and a program. I got it even though I had to plead to a five-year commitment. I had finally realized that I could not get clean and sober by myself. It was hopeless and futile to try it by myself. I had hit my bottom.