July 11 - Conditions in sobriety

Conditions in sobriety

I was told by my first sponsor early on that if I ever put conditions on my sobriety I would drink agian someday, somewhere, and somehow. I took what he said to heart thank God. To date by the grace of God I have been a survivor, not a ''victom of'', family members passing, people in the program going back out, some returning, some not, and a divorce of five years. Nowhere in the Big Book did I read that sobriety would be easy but I was told it would be worth it, and today I believe it to be true.


Case in point, The Twelve Steps have taught me several tools for coping with life on lifes terms, how do I not drink one day at a time? First God plays a huge role in my sobriety, second I always remember a paragraph from the first step out of the twelve and twelve'' we thought ''conditions''drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't do so to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never occured to us that need to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were''. Third, when my best thinking does'nt cut it I fire my mind and hire my sponsors for the day or for as long as I need to.

I hope this helps someone .
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The only thing in my life that is a priority is my recovery. Everything else is a by-product from it - It's because of this gift that I can be a Mum, I have a job, and I can be part of a miracle, watching others come in and slowly recover themselves. Recovery never promised me a life where all would be great, and sometimes I find it tough, but I always persevere, I pray for relief, and I choose not to pick up. I have a wealth of friends I can call, and who accept and love me, when I don't myself, and friends who I can be there for. All recovery promised me, is freedom from the obsession to drink and drug, and it has given me so much more, using the principles from the twelve steps, instead of my own diseased self will.

For me I have to remember the twelth step. This is just a gift that I have to live in my daily life. Just for today. Despite whatever is going on, difficulties at Christmas, in Relationships and at Work! Being Humble instaed of my self-seeking notice me, I know best attitude!! All these "uncomfortable" moments pass. One things for sure, if I picked up a drink I would only prolong and exaggerate them, and I have lots of support to face the challenges life brings. And those challenges are never as bad as the chaos I can create when in active addction.

I have to remember, that all the good stuff I have in my life is down to this program. I on my own will, did not do this, as you said about trying to control conditions is a futile & destructive exercise. So I have to trust in the power of the Universe! Sure I get fearful, but I talk about it Honestly with my friends and sponsor and face it. I don't have to run away today. But the first action is always my choice, do I give into my disease and and die slowley, with that first drink or drug, or do I practice some perseverance and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Life gets full, because of the program, not me. But if I don't live it, I'll lose it, and everything else I've worked hard to achieve since will go with it!
I have to work on Willingness me - sometimes I don't want to behave differently, but as they say, if I don't I'll drink - and for us to drink is to die! I choose live today.