Relationships in sobriety
(A member shares)
“I have been sober for eleven years now and have done fairly well in this time, as far as I can tell. About a year and half ago I made some big life changes by moving in with a woman I didn't know very well, but who was fully aware of my alcoholism. However, since then, I've found myself dealing with intense angry episodes that have put myself and her in a tense situation often. I am aware that this is no doubt unhealthy and I likely need to seek outside help.
It has affected my sobriety because I feel like I'm often withholding this to the group, but approach people (sponsor mostly) on an individual level. I feel like yeah, I'm not drinking, and am able to practice principles at work and with others but my actions at home and with her, plainly, suck. I AM trying to improve but just don't know if anyone has experience with this kind of thing and what they did/ do about it on a day-to-day basis. In other words, can you turn it around? -one of the baffled lot”
Cunning and baffling, isn't it? I think us alcoholics/addicts think just because we get clean/sober, that things should change in our relationships. After all, aren't we who we are NOW, and not who we were THEN?
Hmmmm, I don't think so, I think we're still who we were THEN, but we're a clean/sober of what we were then, at least as far as relationships (close) are concerned.
It was explained to me that we did not mature in our emotions while drinking so we had to start over learning how to relate. You are probably doing all the things I can think of to do - daily prayer and meditation, lots of meetings, talk to people who succeed in the things you want. If you love her, talk about it with her - try to identify the triggers.
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